The Granny Awards
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: And now, the first somethingual Granny Awards with our hosts, Fei Khair and Fall Steeth! Who will get the awards, who will die, and who will go home with nothing? Come and see!


And now welcome, everybody, to the first somethingual Granny Awards Show!  
  
The host walked up to the microphone and began to speak. "Hello, ladies and gentleman... As you know, tonight we're going to be holding the 1st somethingual Granny Awards Show here at the Happy Oldfolks Retirement Home." The audience burst into applause. "Alright, I wont waste any more time here, so let's get to the first category and its nominees." The hostess walked onto the stage and joined the host, with her own microphone. "That's right, Fall Steeth, we're going to be starting the category "Loudest Applesauce Slurper" off with our very first nominee of the night, Granny Greta!"  
  
The audience once again applauded, and a clip of Granny Greta and her applesauce was played for all to see. "Ooooh, is that applesauce?" "Why yes it is, Granny Greta." "Oooooh..." The film showed Granny Greta grabbing the bowl of applesauce, tipping it to her mouth, and then proceeding to slurp it up. "SLUUUUUURP... SCHHHLLUUUUUURP... SHLOOOOOOP... *BURP*... SHLUUUUOOOUUUURP..." The film then ended, and the audience applauded. "Well, what do you think, Fei Khair?" Fall asked. "I think Granny Greta is going to be hard to beat in this category. All of those other nominees better slurp pretty loud if they want to beat her!"  
  
After several more clips were showed, the judges reached their decision and handed the envelope contianing the winners name to Fei. "Alright, let's see who won... Will it be Granny Greta? Granny Grumple? Granny Ditzerschtein? Granny Oldfart? Or will it be Granny Smith?" Her words were followed up by a drum roll as she slowly opened the envelope, the audience on the edge of their seats... "And the winner is...... GRANNY SMITH!" The audience burst into applause once more as Granny Smith began rolling her wheelchair towards the stage, but the applause stopped as Granny Smith did. "What's this? Granny Smith? Why did you stop? Hello? What's going on here, wh-" Fall was cut off as he was given a message. "Ah... I see... It appears poor Granny Smith couldn't take the excitement of winning, and she had a heart attack... Granny Smith has passed away... And so, the winner becomes GRANNY GRETA!"  
  
The audience applauded, and Granny Greta got onto the stage and accepted her award. "I'd just like to thank... All the little people... *sniffle*... All of the people who made getting this award possible. My dentist, for these loud dentures... My retirement home, for allowing me to participate in this awards show... And Granny Smith, for dying." There was more applause.  
  
"And now, for our next category, we have... "Fastest Wheelchair Racer"! Let's take a look at this clip of our first nominee, Granny Speeddemon, shall we?" Then the audience was shown the start of a wheelchair race, Granny Speeddemon way out in front... "Hahaha! Eat my sterilized dust, losers!" Granny Speeddemon was heard shouting as she crossed the finishline first. The screen went black, and the audience applauded. "Whoa, the Granny Speeddemon sure is a fast one... Let's see how our other nominees do." Later, after a few other clips were shown, the audience once again waited to hear the judges decision.  
  
"Oh, here's the envelope... Exciting, isn't it? Let's see who has won this category..." Fei said, leaving the audience in suspense as she opened the envelope. Before looking at the name of the winner, she looked up at the audience. "Will the winner be Granny Speeddemon? Granny Rocket? Granny Racewinner? Granny Bertha? Or will it be Granny Anita? The answer is..." Fei glanced at the contents of the envelope. "GRANNY ANITA!" The crowd applauded again, and Granny Anita zoomed up to the stage to accept her award. "I'd like to thank... Nobody! This award was won fair and square! I guess a little thanks is due to the judges, but I EARNED this award."  
  
After Granny Anita left, the next category was announced. "This is where our livelier geezers get a chance to get a Granny Award, the "Best Prankster" category!" Fei announced. "So, let's see a clip of our first nominee, Granny Glue." The screen showed the audience a video of Granny Glue sneaking into a room at the retirement home. She went straight for the occupants walker, quickly glued it to the floor, and left. Moments later, the rooms resident awoke and stood up, taking ahold of his walker, and fell over on top of it as it failed to move. The screen faded to black. "There's our first nominee, folks!" Fei said. "Now, a clip of a local resident, Granny Schemer."  
  
The screen showed another video, this time of a bathroom. Granny Schemer was seen moving to the toilet and applying two-sided tape to the seat. Granny Schemer then hid behind a shower curtain, and soon Granny Bertha herself walked into the bathroom, dropped her drawers (with a censorship dot, of course), and sat on the toilet. Granny Schemer then hopped out from behind the curtain and flushed the toilet repeatedly, somewhere between 5 and 10 times, and Granny Bertha's butt was sucked into the toilet. "AAAAAAAHHH!" The screen faded to black. "That Granny Schemer is going to be real hard to top. I just don't know if it can be done, Fall! That was one good prank."  
  
After the remaining clips were shown, the envelope was passed to Fall. "Hehe... I'm pretty sure the winner is going to be Granny Gotcha, her prank seemed to just... Tower above the rest." Fall said. "Oh, I don't know, Fall. I'll bet Granny Schemer was the winner of this award." Fei tossed in her 2 cents. "Well, who will it be? Granny Glue, Granny Schemer, Granny Gotcha, or Granny Pateri? The envelope says..." Fall opened the envelope and read the name inside. "Well, Fei, you were right! The winner is GRANNY SCHEMER!"  
  
Granny Schemer made her way to the stage, with a scheming look on her face. "An award? For lil' old me? Why... I just feel... That I owe this to you two." She began, and shook hands with both of them, the buzzer in her hand shocking them as she did so. "Hahaha! Aw, I'm sorry... Well, anyways, thank you all for this award. It really does mean a lot to me..." Soon afterwards, Granny Schemer finished her speech, and the next category was announced.  
  
Okay, yes, I have NO idea what the hell that was... But, if ya liked it, there'll be more. If not... There might still be moe anyways, but hey, maybe not. In any case, write a review, tell me what you think of it. 


End file.
